fall again - glenn lewis

It feels like a fire that burns in my heart
Every single moment that we spend apart
I need you around for every day to start
I haven’t left you alone
Something about you, I stare in your eyes
And everything I’m looking for I seem to find
All this time away is killing me inside
I need your love in my life

I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall in you again
Like we did when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

Ohhhh (etc.)

Fought in a battle, nobody won
And now we face a mountain to be overcome
You can’t turn away, the past is said and done
I need us to carry on

I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

la la la la la, whoa (etc.)

You tried everything you never thought would work before
When you live, when you love, and you give them your all
You can always give up some more
Baby nothing means anything unless you’re here to share it with me
I can breathe, I can bleed, I can die in my sleep
Cause you’re always there in my dreams

I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

I wanna spend time till it ends
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

Ohh, la la la (etc.)

You again

* i just did..

it’s easy..

.. to make me happy.

just call.. and ask everything about me.. and pretend like nothing ever happened.. and just be cool.. like you used to..

.. to make me smile again.

just ask my opinion.. whether it’s necessary or not to meet again.. and i’ll say yes.. and wish everything be okay in the end.. like i used to..

another perfection

yang ini gue dapet dari sebuah siaran pagi di radio favorit gue. jadi ceritanya suatu hari, waktu gue lagi gloomy-gloomy-nya.. menyetir di tengah kegilaan lalu lintas jakarta di pagi hari, suasana hati morat-marit, dan kalo ngga salah waktu itu vita (asvita asgingging, sahabat gw di kala senang dan susah, di pagi hari maupun di malam hari) lagi ngga berangkat bareng gue, bung PPW alias panji pragiwaksono wongsoyudo lagi bercerita mengenai kesempurnaan. apa siy arti kesempurnaan sebenernya?

kalo kata bunda dorce, well.. she always says this on her show.. kesempurnaan adalah milik Allah, sementara kekurangan selalu milik dorce.. (okay, take it.. it’s all yours.. hehehe..)

terus kadang kan suka ada ya orang yang pengen kerjaan yang sempurna, gajinya bagus, tunjangannya sangat menentramkan, jam kerja fleksibel, job desc sedikit, dapet internet sepuasnya, jatah cuti unlimited, dan sebagainya dan sebagainya..

terus ada juga yang pengen punya mobil yang sempurna, bensinnya irit, perawatannya murah dan mudah, ngga rewel, harganya murah, ngga banyak yang pake, resale value-nya tinggi, dan sebagainya..

nah, menurut bung PPW… kesempurnaan itu sebenernya bukan mengenai bahwa lo bisa dapet semua hal yang bagus-bagus dalam setiap aspek kehidupan lo, tapi justru ketika lo bisa menerima kekurangan dalam setiap aspek kehidupan lo. jadi misalnya gini.. mobil lo itu bukan yang paling bagus, harganya agak mahal sehingga cicilan mobil lo agak membuat sakit leher, tapiiii bensinnya irit, dan lo senang dengan hal itu.. ya udah, mobil itu sempurna buat lo..

ato ngga pekerjaan lo membuat lo ga pernah bisa pulang tenggo, sementara kebijakan perusahaan mengenai remunerasi agak bikin sakit hati.. tapi lo seneng, lingkungan kerja lo enak, bos lo sangatlah perhatian sm anak buahnya sehingga tanpa diminta pun dia mau fight ke manajemen untuk memberikan benefit lebih khusus buat anak buahnya. dan the most important thing is, you can learn a lot from what you’re doing so that your value will increase and so will your pricing.. sehingga lo merasa nyaman dengan pekerjaan lo. so perhaps, that’s your perfect job.

intinya adalah.. memiliki sesuatu yang sempurna bukan berarti harus semua yg bagus-bagus.. bunda dorce emang bener, kesempurnaan emang cuma punya Allah.. dan sempurna ala manusia adalah ketika kita bisa menghargai dan menerima ketidaksempurnaan dan kekurangan yang ada.. pada diri kita (sehingga kita menjadi manusia yang sempurna), pada kerjaan kita (sehingga kerjaan kita adalah kerjaan yang sempurna bagi kita), pada rumah kita, pada keluarga kita, pada pasangan kita..

bos gue (raja pardede, bapak-bapak batak yang tegas sekaligus kocak) juga pernah bilang.. instead of looking for a perfect partner, why don’t we be a perfect partner? i guess that also makes sense.. it’s so hard and time consuming, looking for perfect partner. but maybe it would be much easier to do when it comes to trying to make ourselves a perfect partner, because it’s us who control ourselves since we don’t have power to control others.

but honestly, being a good person is not easy at all.. and it’s never enough actually.. market demand is always increasing.. while the supply will always be limited..

isn’t life fun?

perfect

pernah denger persamaan logika kayak gini ngga,

setiap mamalia berkembang biak dengan cara melahirkan

ikan paus adalah mamalia

ikan paus berkembang biak dengan cara melahirkan

nah, tadi gue ngobrol sm hendra (temen SMP-SMA gw yg lagi jadi TKI di jepang ituh..). awalnya siy ngebahas shout-out gue.. yg melibatkan jennifer aniston. dia nanya maksudnya apaan.. ya gue bilang, persis ky yg gue tulis di situ.. bahkan jennifer aniston aja bisa dicampakkan *halah.. campak?*, jadi ya sudahlah.. emang udah takdir aja kali.. hehe.. nah, terus dia bilang kalo nobody’s perfect.. iya, gue setuju banget. tapi terus dia tambahin lagi, “tapi i’m nobody, nin..”. maka, dengan demikian.. gue langsung terjemahkan pembicaraan itu ke dalam rumus tadi, jadinya begini:

nobody’s perfect

i’m nobody

i’m perfect

menurut lo gimana?

ikhlas

i had this conversation with one of my gal. she said her reverend once gave speech about how people could easily emphatize when their friends were in deep sh*t. but people sometime found it’s hard to be happy when their friends were happy, without any jealousy or envious feeling, even a bit. well, i could not say i disagree, because ya.. i did it all the time. and so did my gal. the red line was that.. so hard to be ikhlas. to accept whatever we have, without any disappointment and overexpectation. even when my mouth says “gw ikhlas”, it’s hard for me to say that i purely consciously truly am..
few things occured lately were very precious experiences. they taught me there will be no such thing as eternal and immortal. they’re not really my belonging, so i should never be disappointed once they’re taken from me.again, it’s easier said than done.
anyway, i’m an okay woman.. an okay woman gotta do what an okay woman gotta do.. to be ikhlas in every circumstances she’s facing.. =D

kalo boleh..

kalo boleh mengikuti alur bercerita seseorang, gue mau flash back ke 1 tahun yang lalu. di hari ini, sepupu gue menikah.. bukan.. bukan hanya karena begitu panjang kisah cinta sepupu gue ini dan istrinya.. bukan.. bukan hanya karena begitu sederhana dan menyentuh prosesinya.. tapi alasan gue menulis adalah karena dengan siapa gue menghabiskan hari itu.. di acara pernikahan sepupu gue, dan setelahnya.. dan setelahnya.. dan karena caption foto yang diambil dan ditulis oleh sepupu gue yang lain, "semoga bersatu selamanya..", bukan foto sepupu gue yang menikah di hari itu, tapi foto gue..

kalo boleh gue berharap.. gue berharap caption foto itu benar adanya..

di sini tanpanya

[ini lagunya 3 doors down.. indah sekali..sungguh...]

A hundred days had made me older

since the last time that I’ve saw your pretty face

A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same

But all the miles had separate

They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby

but your still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

and I dream about you all the time

I’m here without you baby

but your still with me in my dreams

And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rollin

as the people either way to say hello

I’ve heard this life is overrated

but I hope that it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby

but your still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

and I dream about you all the time

I’m here without you baby

but your still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know,

and anywhere I go

it gets hard but it won’t take away my love

And when the last one falls,

when it’s all said and done

it get hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby

but your still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

and I dream about you all the time

I’m here without you baby

but your still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl it’s only you and me

doesn’t taste as sweet as it looks

this is what i was trying to say to the world. i know a person, whose life looks awesomely terrific. hardly able to say bad. this person has one fine job.. well, at least the one that some people might really want. when you say it sounds good enough, this person had her salary raised and her career level upgraded, not once but twice.. in one year. the person was very flattered and thankful for that, definitely yes..

this person also has quite a warm and settled family, whose parent are always able to provide everything their children needed.. in terms of financial and others. this person can barely remember the experience of being disappointed of not having what was so wanted. in addition, going on vacation (on a domestic and/or international destination) seems to be this family’s agenda almost every year. this person once had an experience of the obligation of being able to achieve something in order to have what was wanted.. fortunately, it was achieved.. so.. there it was..

umm.. what else should i say about this person. friends? quite huge amount, frankly. and they are like.. everywhere.. almost throughout java island. some of them are like.. okay.. friends.. some of the are like.. best friends.. and thank God they were always there when this person needed them. oh, and some of those friends are long lasting ones with whom this person grew up with.

this person also has few major achievements in life.. so far, we can say.. well.. having the opportunity to study at the most desirable university in indonesia, graduating on time and having experience several wonderful workplace, chasing a post graduate degree as well as having full time job with full time salary, and lastly, waiting for first installment of own residence.

oh, this person also has one wonderful relationship with someone. it might not seem as smooth as everyone’s expected, but still.. it is wonderful. it is rejuvenating.. educating.. and thrilling. but above all that, this person’s loved one is a very amazing person, in his own way of course, and this person surely loves him so much.

but then, does it really taste as sweet as it looks? because this person cried a tear (well, lots of it.. actually..) last saturday nite, feeling empty inside, and not having any clue why.

Irrationally Persistent

I, myself, have always been a stubborn person. I have a strong willingness to achieve what I wish for, and to get what I feel like I deserve to have. As much as I remember, there were many blessings in my life that unbelievably happened as good as I want it to be. Once, when I was at junior high, I demanded a cell-phone (which was one of the fanciest thing at that time, and me.. some growing up teenager expected to have one). When I told my dad about my wish, he said, “Ok, but you have to have the highest score on your national exam..”. And I was like, “Who-hoa.. ok.. that sounds unlikely to happen.. “. But then, I don’t know how it began, but in the end.. thankfully, I was able to get what I want..

Next thing was when I was at senior high.. I was at my granny’s car, accompanying my cousin to Depok. Passing University of Indonesia, I was stunned.. wow, it would be cool to be able to go there and have that title ‘UI student’. I said to me and to my cousin, “This is my next school..”. I laughed out loud at that time, and so did my cousin. And yes, I was a UI student.

There are few blessed things I had in life, if I may not say miraculous. Looking back on what I had those days, I am very thankful for what I had, have, and be having. I am fully aware that those things are not coming coincidently. No way.. it cannot be that way. And so I believe HIS power which makes everything possible for me to achieve. Thank You..
I also believe that I eventually be able to get what I wish for whenever I believe in it. But sometimes it seems very difficult to be reached, and it seems stupid to still be staying where I am to be able to have what I want. So far, my faith brought me to the place where I should belong, and from the point I can see why I should have it.

My loved one once told me about a book he was reading, it’s called ‘the secret’. The book said that if we want something, think about it all time, and the whole universe will help us to get what we want. From where I see, the book got the point. Simply put, when we want something and we think about it all the time, we unconsciously do things that will eventually bring us there. And believe it or not, there we are.

Sometimes it will be seen as irrational, especially when something we believe in is against common view. They will see us as a time-consuming moron who continuously hope for something that impossibly reachable. But for me, maybe it’s only a matter of time. Perhaps it is a waiting worth to wait, and it took more time to learn how to be patient and acceptance (I was about to say ‘inhales’, but I cannot find a good word in English to rephrase the word..), so that we can appreciate more what we are about to achieve. And one thing for sure, irrational/rational is one hell subjective term.

Every of us has the right to perceive what we believe is rational.
So would be wrong to fight for what we believe? No, we already conclude. But for how long must we stay and believe? What is the ‘enough’ line which will tell us when to stop, and when to keep fighting? The answer is, take a deeper look at your heart. Something inside will tell you.. and it’s when you will find your ‘udah’. For how long? A year? A decade? A minute? It’s you who can answer it.
Keep fighting for what you believe, ok? Because I’m doing the same thing..

my gals

Jadi gini, gw punya sejumlah kawan dekat.. a bunch of quarter-life females who have been friends for about 7 years now.  Oia, kami senang sekali bikin slumber party di apartemen-yang-sebenernya-biasa-aja-tapi-entah-kenapa-kita-selalu-aja-nginep-di-sini. Seharusnya kita ketemu setiap sebulan sekali, should be more than that actually regarding to this agreement we had since about 4 years ago. But one thing led to another, sebulan sekali bisa ketemu lengkap aja (oh, I forgot to tell you that it should be 10 of us) udah seneng banget, which was practically a ‘1 to 1000 chance’. Agak sedih siy, mengingat semasa kuliah dulu we spent almost everyday together, di luar nginep-nginep bareng untuk ngerjain tugas kuliah kelompok untuk mata kuliah komunikasi massa-jurnalistik.

If you think that I’m a talk-too-much kind of person, then you have got to see them in a complete formation. Setiap kita ketemuan, well, maybe it’s because we don’t see each other that much siy, semua orang berebutan giliran untuk ngomong. Bahkan ketika kami membicarakan 1 topik, everyone’s simply talking. Entah gimana dan siapa yang akan berperan jadi pendengar. But it happens almost all the time, no matter where, how, and when, and what topic we’re discussing. In fact, we talk about almost everything. Beneran apa aja, mulai dari soal kerjaan. Bahkan topik kerjaan bisa dibagi lagi jadi subtopik temen kantor yang aneh, bos yang annoying, gaji yang segitu-gitu aja, promosi yang cuma basa-basi, sampe pengalaman di kerjaan yang agak ajaib, mulai dari diberdayakan jadi panitia ulang taun bos besar, ketemu nenek-yang-sangat-membanggakan-ketampanan-dan-kelucuan-cucunya-padahal-sebenernya-biasa-aja, sampe ikut rombongan ibu menteri ke manado.

Topik lain yang sering sekali kami bahas adalah soal relationship, which is very much in line with the fact that 25 years old female tend to have that kind of quarter-life-crisis syndrome like they say. Topik soal hubungan ‘rumah tangga perusahaan’ ini menurut gue siy adalah yang paling seru dibahas. One of us is married, the rest.. still searching mode: ON. Maksudnya bukannya belom punya pasangan lho.. eh, tapi iya juga siy.. tapi ada juga yang masih menunggu saat yang tepat untuk meresmikan hubungan ke jenjang pernikahan.. [ummm.. come again?]. Status kami saat ini.. umm, ada yang mengambang terkendali, janda bule, england-malay far far away, pacar-pengen-menikah-orang-tua-suruh-kuliah, cuek aja mode.

Our last slumber party was the one where our friend who happens to live in Portsmouth, UK, came home for few days and being hijacked by us, of course, to tell everything she experienced there. Her teddy bear patiently accompanied us there, until he came home and we became wilder. Maksudnya lebih gila-gilaan lagi cerita-ceritanya.. sampe ketawa-ketawa kayak orgil gituh. These are two of our discussions last night:

o        Jadi temen gue yang di UK itu suatu hari menginap di sebuah hostel bersama 5 orang perempuan lain yang sebelumnya sama sekali belum pernah saling kenal. So there were those few Brazilians who unbelieveably like to be undress [it’s a polite form of naked actually, I prefer] in the room. So they walk around the room, out of the bathroom without a single outfit on. One day, this friend of mine woke up in a morning and yawned. When she opened her eyes, gathered her scattered consciousness, suddenly one of those Brazilian stood in front of her with the position where my friend’s eyes were directly across the.. umm.. ya.. itu lah. And the story about Brazilian wax that’s been told in the movie like Sex and The City.. unfortunately those Brazilians don’t really do one. So ya.. bayangkan betapa  syoknya temen gue itu ketika menatap si ‘hutan amazone’..

o        Ada lagi satu orang temen gue, bekerja di sebuah media massa di Jakarta. She has a colleague who’s incredibly annoying. Temen gue ini menggambarkan temen kantornya sebagai seorang wanita bersuara sengau [I instantly imagined Monica from Hard Rock FM’s Bad Business Advice] yang mengaku keturunan bidadari [ato peri ya? Lupa..]. Oia, temen kantornya bukan semacam gadis kecil berumur 10 tahun lho ya.. karena si perempuan ini sudah menikah dengan seorang marinir. So she’s some kind of ADD a.k.a attention deficit disorder which is trying to legalize attention seeking at the office. Lucu aja siy, sekaligus kasian karena semua orang di kantor menganggap dia aneh.

o        The last and also one of the most outrageous topic we discussed last night was about kemoceng dan bulu-bulu ayam yang ditempelin Peach Goddess [actually this is the name of dangdut singer who’s breast was controversially being touched by a sick fan] di rambutnya. Untuk topik ini kayaknya agak kurang appropriate untuk diceritain di sini soalnya ini menyangkut temen gue yang apparently cukup polos sehingga akhirnya kami berdiskusi mengenai umm.. body anatomy.. of male. Tentu saja lead arranger dari diskusi ini adalah suhu, guru of the guru, master of hot topic.. ya temen gue si janda bule itu, yang mengaku mizuage-nya telah kembali [internal term.. for further info, please contact me privately.. =D].

Well anyway, it was fun, though. Di tengah kegilaan kuliah sambil kerja [ato kerja sambil kuliah ya?] yang gue lakukan, ketemu mereka adalah hiburan yang gue tunggu-tunggu. They always have stories to share, and the stories were usually and unbelieveably amusing. I wish this sisterhood we have will be for good, honestly.