Going Away

Saying good-bye has never been an easy job to do for me. There’s always some kind of strange feeling inside of me every time I have to such thing. Even though I know I eventually will meet again with someone or something I say good-bye to.. Even though they say there’s nothing eternal in life, therefore we must be prepared for saying good-bye to what we have. But yet, it has never been an easy way for me.

The fear I face every time I have to say good-bye (or even a ‘see-you-later’ term) is that the possibility of being in the place where there’s no other time to see the very thing I say good-bye (or ‘see-you-later’) to again. I’m so afraid.. well, who doesn’t anyway, does it? The most fearful feeling is losing, for that I’m positively sure.

I drove my loved one to the airport this afternoon. Not the first time, in fact, been there done that many-many times before.. either me or him who left. Each and every time I experienced either me or him who left, has never been an easy way for me. Seeing myself, my car going away, walking slowly to the exit, generated an empty feeling inside of me. It actually hurts. The question ‘will I ever be able to meet him again?’ hangs inevitably in my head. I almost cried, but I thought my tears won’t stop the plane from leaving anyway, so what I did was to pray for his safety and there would be no delay.

I know I should’ve been ready for whatever separation might take us from being away from the one or the thing we love. It’s not something new anyway; it’s destined to be that way. But how am I going to be able to face it easily, in a modest way, in a most simple way? How am going to do such thing? I’ve been through the exact same situation like many times before; did they make everything easy for me? Unfortunately, no, they didn’t.

Ah, then again.. it’s a matter of feeling. There’s no exact guidance of what to do, and how to do it, when it comes to feeling. Not a single person can determine how we manage our feeling, because it is ourselves who are able to decide what to do with it. Sounds stupid and silly? Let it be that way. The pain and the joy are things we feel inside, when no one’s around.