Irrationally Persistent
I, myself, have always been a stubborn person. I have a strong willingness to achieve what I wish for, and to get what I feel like I deserve to have. As much as I remember, there were many blessings in my life that unbelievably happened as good as I want it to be. Once, when I was at junior high, I demanded a cell-phone (which was one of the fanciest thing at that time, and me.. some growing up teenager expected to have one). When I told my dad about my wish, he said, “Ok, but you have to have the highest score on your national exam..”. And I was like, “Who-hoa.. ok.. that sounds unlikely to happen.. “. But then, I don’t know how it began, but in the end.. thankfully, I was able to get what I want..
Next thing was when I was at senior high.. I was at my granny’s car, accompanying my cousin to Depok. Passing University of Indonesia, I was stunned.. wow, it would be cool to be able to go there and have that title ‘UI student’. I said to me and to my cousin, “This is my next school..”. I laughed out loud at that time, and so did my cousin. And yes, I was a UI student.
There are few blessed things I had in life, if I may not say miraculous. Looking back on what I had those days, I am very thankful for what I had, have, and be having. I am fully aware that those things are not coming coincidently. No way.. it cannot be that way. And so I believe HIS power which makes everything possible for me to achieve. Thank You..
I also believe that I eventually be able to get what I wish for whenever I believe in it. But sometimes it seems very difficult to be reached, and it seems stupid to still be staying where I am to be able to have what I want. So far, my faith brought me to the place where I should belong, and from the point I can see why I should have it.
My loved one once told me about a book he was reading, it’s called ‘the secret’. The book said that if we want something, think about it all time, and the whole universe will help us to get what we want. From where I see, the book got the point. Simply put, when we want something and we think about it all the time, we unconsciously do things that will eventually bring us there. And believe it or not, there we are.
Sometimes it will be seen as irrational, especially when something we believe in is against common view. They will see us as a time-consuming moron who continuously hope for something that impossibly reachable. But for me, maybe it’s only a matter of time. Perhaps it is a waiting worth to wait, and it took more time to learn how to be patient and acceptance (I was about to say ‘inhales’, but I cannot find a good word in English to rephrase the word..), so that we can appreciate more what we are about to achieve. And one thing for sure, irrational/rational is one hell subjective term.
Every of us has the right to perceive what we believe is rational.
So would be wrong to fight for what we believe? No, we already conclude. But for how long must we stay and believe? What is the ‘enough’ line which will tell us when to stop, and when to keep fighting? The answer is, take a deeper look at your heart. Something inside will tell you.. and it’s when you will find your ‘udah’. For how long? A year? A decade? A minute? It’s you who can answer it.
Keep fighting for what you believe, ok? Because I’m doing the same thing..
my gals
Jadi gini, gw punya sejumlah kawan dekat.. a bunch of quarter-life females who have been friends for about 7 years now. Oia, kami senang sekali bikin slumber party di apartemen-yang-sebenernya-biasa-aja-tapi-entah-kenapa-kita-selalu-aja-nginep-di-sini. Seharusnya kita ketemu setiap sebulan sekali, should be more than that actually regarding to this agreement we had since about 4 years ago. But one thing led to another, sebulan sekali bisa ketemu lengkap aja (oh, I forgot to tell you that it should be 10 of us) udah seneng banget, which was practically a ‘1 to 1000 chance’. Agak sedih siy, mengingat semasa kuliah dulu we spent almost everyday together, di luar nginep-nginep bareng untuk ngerjain tugas kuliah kelompok untuk mata kuliah komunikasi massa-jurnalistik.
If you think that I’m a talk-too-much kind of person, then you have got to see them in a complete formation. Setiap kita ketemuan, well, maybe it’s because we don’t see each other that much siy, semua orang berebutan giliran untuk ngomong. Bahkan ketika kami membicarakan 1 topik, everyone’s simply talking. Entah gimana dan siapa yang akan berperan jadi pendengar. But it happens almost all the time, no matter where, how, and when, and what topic we’re discussing. In fact, we talk about almost everything. Beneran apa aja, mulai dari soal kerjaan. Bahkan topik kerjaan bisa dibagi lagi jadi subtopik temen kantor yang aneh, bos yang annoying, gaji yang segitu-gitu aja, promosi yang cuma basa-basi, sampe pengalaman di kerjaan yang agak ajaib, mulai dari diberdayakan jadi panitia ulang taun bos besar, ketemu nenek-yang-sangat-membanggakan-ketampanan-dan-kelucuan-cucunya-padahal-sebenernya-biasa-aja, sampe ikut rombongan ibu menteri ke manado.
Topik lain yang sering sekali kami bahas adalah soal relationship, which is very much in line with the fact that 25 years old female tend to have that kind of quarter-life-crisis syndrome like they say. Topik soal hubungan ‘rumah tangga perusahaan’ ini menurut gue siy adalah yang paling seru dibahas. One of us is married, the rest.. still searching mode: ON. Maksudnya bukannya belom punya pasangan lho.. eh, tapi iya juga siy.. tapi ada juga yang masih menunggu saat yang tepat untuk meresmikan hubungan ke jenjang pernikahan.. [ummm.. come again?]. Status kami saat ini.. umm, ada yang mengambang terkendali, janda bule, england-malay far far away, pacar-pengen-menikah-orang-tua-suruh-kuliah, cuek aja mode.
Our last slumber party was the one where our friend who happens to live in Portsmouth, UK, came home for few days and being hijacked by us, of course, to tell everything she experienced there. Her teddy bear patiently accompanied us there, until he came home and we became wilder. Maksudnya lebih gila-gilaan lagi cerita-ceritanya.. sampe ketawa-ketawa kayak orgil gituh. These are two of our discussions last night:
o Jadi temen gue yang di UK itu suatu hari menginap di sebuah hostel bersama 5 orang perempuan lain yang sebelumnya sama sekali belum pernah saling kenal. So there were those few Brazilians who unbelieveably like to be undress [it’s a polite form of naked actually, I prefer] in the room. So they walk around the room, out of the bathroom without a single outfit on. One day, this friend of mine woke up in a morning and yawned. When she opened her eyes, gathered her scattered consciousness, suddenly one of those Brazilian stood in front of her with the position where my friend’s eyes were directly across the.. umm.. ya.. itu lah. And the story about Brazilian wax that’s been told in the movie like Sex and The City.. unfortunately those Brazilians don’t really do one. So ya.. bayangkan betapa syoknya temen gue itu ketika menatap si ‘hutan amazone’..
o Ada lagi satu orang temen gue, bekerja di sebuah media massa di Jakarta. She has a colleague who’s incredibly annoying. Temen gue ini menggambarkan temen kantornya sebagai seorang wanita bersuara sengau [I instantly imagined Monica from Hard Rock FM’s Bad Business Advice] yang mengaku keturunan bidadari [ato peri ya? Lupa..]. Oia, temen kantornya bukan semacam gadis kecil berumur 10 tahun lho ya.. karena si perempuan ini sudah menikah dengan seorang marinir. So she’s some kind of ADD a.k.a attention deficit disorder which is trying to legalize attention seeking at the office. Lucu aja siy, sekaligus kasian karena semua orang di kantor menganggap dia aneh.
o The last and also one of the most outrageous topic we discussed last night was about kemoceng dan bulu-bulu ayam yang ditempelin Peach Goddess [actually this is the name of dangdut singer who’s breast was controversially being touched by a sick fan] di rambutnya. Untuk topik ini kayaknya agak kurang appropriate untuk diceritain di sini soalnya ini menyangkut temen gue yang apparently cukup polos sehingga akhirnya kami berdiskusi mengenai umm.. body anatomy.. of male. Tentu saja lead arranger dari diskusi ini adalah suhu, guru of the guru, master of hot topic.. ya temen gue si janda bule itu, yang mengaku mizuage-nya telah kembali [internal term.. for further info, please contact me privately.. =D].
Well anyway, it was fun, though. Di tengah kegilaan kuliah sambil kerja [ato kerja sambil kuliah ya?] yang gue lakukan, ketemu mereka adalah hiburan yang gue tunggu-tunggu. They always have stories to share, and the stories were usually and unbelieveably amusing. I wish this sisterhood we have will be for good, honestly.
Uncategorized | Comment (1)about myself lately
I am a very dependent person. What I do and what I think depend on my mood and my surroundings. I can be a garbage bin for my friends. They can always talk to me, share their thoughts and feelings with me, and not only I can be a good listener, if they want to, I can be a not-so-bad laugh-maker.. if I may not say problem-solver. And I’m happy to be someone’s shoulder to cry on. I feel needed, I feel useful, truthful, and to see them laugh after they shed a tear, or to know that what I told them was a very relieving word for them, is a one fine moment that I really treasure.
On the other hand, I can also be someone who’s really fragile, really need protection, really need step-by-step manual guide about how to get rid of my problems, how to do when I’m in a certain situation, how to act when I meet my cul-de-sac, and most of all.. when I have to let go. I have been letting go for some reasons in some cases for a few times before. Even so, letting go has never been an easy job for me. My comfort zone is way too comfort, and the fear to face uncertain and unknown future is something I cannot bear.
None of what I have, had, nor will have is mine. They are all lent to me for special purpose which would be known by full-consciousness and maturity. Regarding that fact, I should never moan whenever they are taken from me, and I should never be too proud of having ones. Conversely, I must be perfectly aware that I have to take care everything I own, so that when someday they all are taken from me, the owner won’t be disappointed.
Everything happens for a reason, a good one of course. And everything is definitely going to happen on time, which no one would ever know. Sometimes I feel like this is so for me, and this is meant to be like this.. for me. And this is how it should be. And they all come up in mind because I thought everything was so right, so feels-like-meant-to-be, so.. perfect for me. I’ve been trying to take care, to hold it tightly, to cherish every single time I have for it the best way I could. Well, the fact is sometimes I cannot control my mood, hence I take them for granted. Being sorry is simply useless, but if only I could turn back the clock the other way around, I would love to have it all over again and act differently, better.
Yes, everything happens for the reasons. I sometimes feel like I have done everything to keep what I have safe and warm. But it seems like it’s not enough. Well, I now realize that it’s not about enough or not enough. It’s about.. the reason. It’s because.. well, that is it. There will be no extension. That is my time limit and I have to let loose, get up, and be ready for another destination. Should there be another opportunity to have the same thing, let it be that way. It might mean that.. well, I get another shot.. to do what I didn’t, to fix what was broken. And even if it happens, no one knows when exactly it is. One thing for sure, it will be on the best time.
[.. just to ensure that I stand still no matter how hard the wind is..]
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