my mental retardation

I was thinking, why God created such feelings called envy and dissatisfaction? So that humans don’t get satisfied too soon? Or is it because it has to be like that, otherwise world will go static and powerless? But how long until we come to the end, of satisfaction? The most important thing is, can we?

I feel a lot of those feelings recently. God might slap me on my face, “Hey, I gave you everything you’ve asked for, but how come you keep on moaning for more?!”. On a second thought, maybe He won’t. I’m a very envious kind of person, you see. I really can’t stand still, seeing other people having and being better that I am. Is it normal or what? Maybe you say, “Nin, you have a very big sense of competition by that!”. But mostly, those two feelings keep me drowning even deeper instead of taking me higher than before.

See, many people told me, “Jangan selalu liat ke atas, Nin.. sekali2 nengok deh ke bawah..”. I did.. I did it many times.. and it works. But when it comes to losing my sanity, the effort might not work at all. My mood and egoistic part of me take control. And when that happens, I can only say, “Forgive me God, for being so human..”.

Lately I also feel I’m having some sort of MAIR (Mental and Intelligence Retardation, -red à ciptaan gw doang siy.. abis ga tau lagi musti nyebutnya apaan.. =D). My bosses seem like very tired of my ‘lemotness’, and the other proof of my MAIR was when I did my test on

OshKosh

last Wednesday. I did the numbers calculation VERY slowly, much slower than my previous test (I forgot where I did it). I feel like I’m losing my concentration very easily, and I’m having a difficulty in staying focus on what I’m doing. What has happened to me?

My love one said to me, “Ah, mungkin bener2 lagi ada yg dipikirin banget kali?! Iya ngga? Mulai sekarang coba bener2 konsen & fokus kalo ngobrol sm orang lain ato ngelakuin sesuatu.”. He told me previously that I often ask about something I asked before. Isn’t it scary or what??? *sigh*

Oia, besok aku mo jalan sm temen2.. mudah2an perasaan2 yg aku ceritain di atas ga semakin menggila…

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